Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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