I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
