hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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