guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
