trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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