My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
