then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
