I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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