peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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