You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
