God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
