The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
