oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
