remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
