I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
