I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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