I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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