Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
