when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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