Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
