You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think i got beer on your cat.
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