I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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