there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
