I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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