those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
