Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
