dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
