your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
