Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
