doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
