I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
