so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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