they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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