Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.