Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.