Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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