So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi