ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together