What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
