Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
