When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
