He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
