I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
