I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize