You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
