there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
