you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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