in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
