Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
