I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I AM VODKA MAN
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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