please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
