just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
