No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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