I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
