what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
