She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
