My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
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I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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