perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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