watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
