Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
