i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
