Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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