ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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