omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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