i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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