In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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