i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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