He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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