her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
