He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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