Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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