They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
