I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
