If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
